i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
