Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Ladies don't puke and tell
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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