Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
