I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
