So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
