I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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