Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
