tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
