And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
