I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
