I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
