he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
