There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
