Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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