my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
