I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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