you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize