Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
