can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
