dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
