I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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