Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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