i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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