...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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