I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
