The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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