i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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