This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
