Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
