You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
