Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
