His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
