I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
