Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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