Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
