I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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