Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
