and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
