My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize