What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
