Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
