can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
