So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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