I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
