dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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