he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
