he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize