Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
