I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
