Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
