One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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