we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
everyone is single if you try hard enough
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
