Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
