you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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