They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is Oprah even human
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
