i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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