I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
