Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
