He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
