Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
