hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
