Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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