Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
