I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
