Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
