Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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