Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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