he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
ttyl tear gas
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize