We won't sleep together?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
