idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
