that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
