i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
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