What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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