If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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