Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
