if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
