I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize