Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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