There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I can text with my tongue
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
